I was still a bit...well let's be frank...slightly wasted when I wrote this post.
I know I have to do something and I suppose I was looking for someone to say "give up, just go out and do whatever you want"
It's like I'm between a rock and a hard place. I know self medicating is not the answer but I'm running out of other answers. I've been sober before for months at a time and the anxiety hasn't abated at all, even when I've been clean of cocaine. My doctor has tried me on all kinds of medications and therapy but they're less than half as effective as alcohol. I don't know if it's some sort of weird psychological but I can barely function as even a shut in when I'm sober. Stress makes me physically sick, sicker than alcohol.
Unless I have an alternative I can't work or be part of society sober. I want a different answer, I really do, but no one has been able to give me one yet.