I am so tired myself and I could have written your post. I just told my husband that since my sister's suicide over a year ago, I have been through the ringer with my mom, my sister's death, his alcoholism, a near drowning with him,, him ruining our Holidays, him getting black out drunk to where I had to call the cops and I was made to leave, and now, he has wrecked his motorcycle and sits in a trauma center.
I can't breathe anymore! I'm not strong and people look at me like I can do it. I don't know if I can. So there... I know exactly how you feel.