HDSHVLS, sorry you spent so much time on this rollercoaster. Sounds like they both are addicts, and you will never be able to figure either of them out. So, stop trying. Do something for yourself. You can't control either of them. You can't cure him. You can "love" him, but that doesn't mean you have to try to help him or live with him. He is not the same man you married. Find a support group. It isn't simple, yet it really is simple. Take care of yourself! Because, no one else will.
PS - You are not crazy, you are involved with addiction, and this is what addiction does to people.