Sorry about your life situation but you seem to have found a way to stay positive and detach. Even if you think you have fallen during her relapse, you are still a very strong man and know exactly what you need to do. What I see you doing here???...Is simply building the courage to do what you already know you want and need to do for your own health and serenity. You will get there....and on a side note, reading your courage has just reminded me that I am neglecting my recovery today by staying home and thinking about him....who is not at all interested in his own recovery nor any thoughts of what he has put me through..and so because of you, I'm getting my ass up, slathering on the bug spray and going for a walk and getting out into nature. Going to get connected!
I hope you keep on the path you have started for yourself and follow through for your own serenity and peace of mind. Goodluck!!! And THANK YOU!!