Confused / new to the game...
I'm 27 and have been married two years. I was with my husband for 4 years before we were married. About 8 months ago things just seemed off... Behavior / physical appearance... He would never admit what was really going on I just knew something was wrong. Finally, he admitted he has a drug problem with cocaine and xanax... It has been a roller coaster ever since. Nights where he says he is taking our dogs out and disappears for a few hours, catching him using, supporting him through his feelings of self hatred, becoming the "punching bag" in the relationship- always the one at fault acc to him... Never good enough for his recovery. He attended NA meetings and therapy here and there but nothing concrete enough.... I feel stuck at a cross roads. His parents know somewhat ab the situation and so I
Am reminded of my marriage vows... I
Am scared to walk away bc I feel I will worry and always wonder what's going on and never be able to have peace of mind...but staying has become so unbearable. The nasty words, sleepless nights, hopeless feelings... The thought of wondering if this will ever end. I wish there was a way I knew what to do. My family is in another state and I am pretty alone where we live... I never thought this would happen to us, I don't know how to accept it or how to ease any of the hurt, fear, anxiety and pain.