Yes I do love him, but at this point, I'm not sure what kind of love it is. Maybe it's just the love that God has shown me since I ran into him again (that is God). Maybe that is why I can't seem to turn my back, but I also know that God wouldn't want me to be unhappy in my life. He actually gives me "nothing", and has never given me anything even when we were legally married and before. I've always been a so to speak whipping post for him.