Welcome JettBoy! You are definitely not alone with those feelings. We all understand.
I was your age when I finally admitted I could never touch another drop of alcohol. I had no control, so every time I picked up it was a nightmare - never knew what the outcome would be. It was dangerous and damaging each time. It was so much easier to stop trying to manage it and just quit. I was exhausted from attempting to just have 'a few'. It never worked. I hope you find the encouragement you need by being here Jett. We know you can rise above this and have a better life.