Well, after our initial knee jerk reaction of wanting to get completely wasted today, H and I pulled our act together and have not drunk and I have not smoked. In fact I feel really quite ashamed of actually even contemplating it. Old habits die hard I guess. This is the first real loss since we got sober. But it is a loss for all of us, the kids included, and the thought now of actually being selfish enough to have abandoned them to get lost in my own private pity party seems absolutely abhorrent to me. This guy was a good friend to us all and our kids loved him as much as we did.
We spent the day together just the 4 of us, and talked and shared our memories of him. Yes it hurts but that's life.
MB-there is a lot going on for you there my friend. Childhood issues have followed me lots too, but I am really moving on from this now. Can I ask if you are getting any help, I can't remember if you mentioned counselling? My therapist told me last week that she had never worked with any victims of childhood abuse who hadn't experienced some form of issue over food. I've got to sort mine out at some point too, but I'm not even sure where to start. My issues certainly don't fall into any neat category and they are not about to kill me, so I've sort of ignored them for years.
I hear what you're saying about not wanting to throw anything away, and it's easy to see where that came from. If you've had to do without in the past, there must be a huge part of you that never wants to be in that place emotionally again. Cycles of denying yourself food, then over-indulging, followed by beating yourself up are familiar to me too. I have issues of control and I'm not even sure I'm close to facing them. Unlike you! It might be a hard battle, but you're facing it head on. Badass!
Did you look up the link to taming the feast beast? There was some really good advice there about setting limits on time, place and what you eat. I'm definitely going to do something along those lines. It might have to wait til school's out but that's only a few more weeks.
Don't beat yourself up my friend. We are so good at that. I think the plan might just need a bit of fine-tuning or refining.
You were doing great, and you can again. Don't give up xxx