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Old 12-29-2004, 04:52 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Truth
al anon
 
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: new york
Posts: 45
my recent ex bf that i was with for a year and a half is a very high functioning alcoholic who also uses alcohol to "relax" and to block out emotions and dealing with things. He was/is never violent and honestly did get less anxious and depressed when he drank so i guess i didn't see it as a problem. but i realized that even though he is doing nothing terrible to me, he is causing me emotional stress and sometimes it is not what they are doing but what they are not doing that is the problem. he does not put me as a priority and he thinks of himself often and my needs do not get met when he is going through something the least bit stressful. anyway he has admitted that he is an alcoholic- and has been going to therapy and aa but we had to break up because he couldn't deal with our relationship and aa at the same time. i asked him to take a two week break without speaking before we broke up to see if things with him would get better. i figured once he was sober things would get good between us but it only brought up more issues for him. he now has to deal with all those emotions he was blocking out and he is questioning everything he's ever done in his life - including dating me so for now we cannot be together. i am going to CODA and writing in a journal everyday and seeing a therapist( which i have done on and off for the last 10 years or so). I don't think i am the most codependent person but i definitely see traits that i have that i need to work on and the meetings help. i am now focusing on myself and it has been the best thing for me. i do miss him but i cannot be with him the way he is acting now. he is so lost. i just wanted to share my experience so u know that u are not alone and that it helps to focus on yourself. we can use focusing on others as a way of not having to focus on ourselves but it seems to just cause problems for us- so i would rather focus on me now and deal with some pain and hurt - rather than avoiding it only to feel more pain later.
hope that helped
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