It is so hard! I've been contemplating contacting my loved one today too. I know that no good will come of it.
What is stopping me right now is doing my recovery readings, writing, being here amongst those that understand, and texting my "champions" instead. Those that are truly on my side, healthy for me and support my positive life pursuits are my champions.
Maybe we can both just get through today. One day at a time, right?