I feel like that's our cross to bear...caring. Because, really...what did we love? A shadow...an idea...certainly not the person...because the "good guy" doesn't exist as we imagine them. The "person we love" embodies cruelty, pain and despair.
Vent away! And remember, you're NOT weak. You are strong. You didn't contact him. You walked away. It takes INCREDIBLE strength to read here, post here and ask for support.