Weightoflife,
My ExABF had me convinced he wasn't an alcoholic at first simply because he didn't get "fall down drunk," wasn't belligerent, and as he said, could control it. But that's all CRAP. He abused alcohol a different way, by needing it throughout the day most even though not all days, by needing a cocktail late afternoon, by using it as a crutch, by hiding behind alcohol.
His actual behaviors in the time I knew him were not all that horrible on the scale, but I see now how much damage he did to his life and his health over time, and how powerless he seems under alxohol'a grip.
I say this just to challenge you a bit on the idea that it isn't that bad. I promise you, it is. I think people who seem to be getting by but show the patterns you describe are just as injurious to themselves and the people they love.
Please read here and do whatever you can to care for yourself and be honest with yourself. It is HARD to do, but it is life-saving. You can't save his, only he can do that. But you can care for your own. You have good instincts coming here. Keep coming back, these are good people with incredible generosity and wisdom.