Human,
I am SO proud of your strength to realize where you were heading again and knowing that drinking again will not help your situation! Maybe numb it, but it will only postpone you from moving ahead and getting your life back together. That, it itself, is a HUGE step! I'm only on day 5 from being a practicing alcoholic for the last 27 years in order to numb my past and all it did was postpone me from ever having a real life that I have so deperately wanted. I let life get me down and made myself believe that my life would never amount to anything. What a waste of time and a terrible way to think! I've realized that life is always going to throw curveballs at us so we need to prepare ourselves for them and know that no matter what happens, we can choose to pick ourselves up and LIVE regardless of the circumstances around us! As long as we keep our mind set on what is important (YOU) and you constantly tell yourself that life might be hard now and not what you ever expected, but it WILL get better, it will happen. I am a firm believer that the way we think and what we tell ourselves can change our lives. Believe that nothing and no one can ever keep you from being the strong individual that you are and that you will get through any obstacle life throws your way and become stronger after each trial. Think of it as a growing experience. That's what is getting me through. I just keep telling myself each morning that I am not going to let anything or anyone take away my joy from living today, as each day is a blessing from God! Doesn't mean that I am not struggling right now and that life isn't hard with issues around me and people who try to get me down, but I'm not going to let the world take away anymore of my living time! Even though life has been hard the last 41 years and I've gone through so much physical and sexual abuse since childhood and many other bad things (and we have all had different issues that have controlled our emotions and lowered our way of thinking) I am not going to spend anymore time feeling like a victim but that I am a survivor (AND SO ARE YOU!) and will not allow my life to dwindle away anymore feeling sorry but making a change for a better life! Life will be hard, but focusing on God and keeping positive thoughts in your mind that it could always be worse (we could not be waking up to even have this beautiful morning) is something that can help you get through. I pray the best for you. STAY STRONG!