BF of 3 years with a drinking problem
My boyfriend and I have just celebrated our 3 year anniversary, which is great but I am still on the fence about moving forward in our relationship because he isn't consistant at controlling his alcohol consumption and I feel that he still craves the buzz. He can control his drinking when he wants to, but decides not to when its a special occasion or when it has been a while since he last drank heavy. His heavy drinking nights consist a combination of over 10 shots and or mixed drinks (8 oz) -with each drink about 30min between each other, followed by him blacking out. When with his friends, drinks can sometimes go on till 4 or 5 AM.
Up until about 4 years ago he used to drink every night after work (I wasn't with him then, but he told me about it). Now he only drinks on the weekends or occasionally drinks on the weekdays if we go out for dinner. I don't drink very much, so when it is just the 2 of us he usually doesn't drink to where he blacks out. But his heavy drinking plus blackout maybe happens once a month, usually when we hang out with his friends.
When he has drank way too much he is falling all over the place making a mess, making a scene, sleeping on the curb, and looking like a fool. I hate it!
I get so frustrated with him when he gets out of control that it makes him upset because he thinks I'm being strict, so in turn he becomes childish and unstoppable. A few times he has come up to my face and asked "me who the F are you to tell me what to do?" It was almost as if he didn't even recognize who I am. He looks right through me. Its as if his body is alive and moving but his mind has already shut down from so much alcohol. I hate to see him like this and the way he looks right through me.
I have expressed to him how much this bothers me and it isn't until the last 6 months that he is truly trying to change. He still drinks and sometimes its ok but the blackout drinking still happens once in a while. I still get anxiety before he drinks, especially when we go out with his friends -as I don't want to see that drunk side of him.
The funny thing is, our relationship is so great outside of his drinking. We never fight. The only arguments we have had are about his drinking, especially when he has gotten agressive with me. I could possibly see myself with him if he didn't have a strong tast for alcohol.
We just celebrated our 3 year anniversary and went away to a resort for the weekend. He drank both Saturday and Sunday all day long. The only time he didn't drink was while he was sleeping. He would start drinking right when we woke up. I could event be intimate with him because he smelt like alcohol and I was so turned off at the fact that he had to keep a consistant buzz. He never got to the point of blackout, but the fact that he had to drink every waking moment bothered me. I think he feels that he can drink whenever he wants just as long as he doesn't blackout or act foolish. So in his mind he probably thought he did well this weekend. In my mind I didn't think he did well because he needed to drink everyday.
It pains me to think of leaving him so I am still with him waiting patiently for him to get better. But after reading everyone's stories it seems that this might be an ongoing battle. I love every ounce of him when he is sober, but I can't see myself dealing with his drinking for the rest of my life.
He is trying to control his drinking because he wants to remember things and not suffer such a bad hangover. But he always manages to have a heavy drinking night here and there. I give him credit for trying, but I'm not sure that it is enough.
I don't feel that I can leave him as he hasn't directly hurt me, but it is indirectly hurting and pushing me away. I know no one is perfect, but this I can not live with or risk to have around my future family. I don't know how to walk away...I love him so much and wish he didn't have this addiction.