We were married almost ten years. Within the past four years, I lost all interest in him and resented everything about him since he started taking over everything about me (maybe that was when the alcohol really started getting a good grip on him). Once we started having kids six years ago, I gave in to our power trips between each other. The more I gave in, the more he took until he was running me into the ground in every way, shape, and form. I tried keeping my mouth shut and seeing if I was the real cause of our problems and I was as crazy as he and his family insisted I was. With my mouth shut, I realized he was still the same drunk. I know now, I cannot help him but I can still hope he will help himself and I will worry every waking moment I'm aware he is down or hurting somehow or claiming he is just having fun. Even though the love is gone for me (in a marriage sense), the fact that he was my husband and is the father of my kids and is a good person without the 'disease' will make me always have a place in my heart for him. But I also know I need much more space in my heart for me to remain strong and healthy for myself and my kids. I trust he will do the same someday - maybe that's the hope we all hold onto with our alcoholics. Maybe it's not right, maybe I'll learn to let go of that worry and concern someday too - somehow I doubt it though.