Thanks fini-
Triple digits was a BIG deal for me.
However, I really do feel that it is important to figure out why I have not made a BP since my last drinking episode.....So, I finally got over the "family BBQ" idea by rewriting that picture in my head to include...well the truth. However, then I was like, 'Well with that idea done I should surely feel confident in a BP". So, I thought of all the reasons I thought I might ever drink again (as suggested in the book) and there were A LOT less... each one I took and dissected and saw the flaw in my thinking. Saw how it was really beast activity. Separated my thinking from its thinking.
The thing about it is I am realizing that in some ways
I still see drinking as a positive. A perfect example of this happened last night. Standing on my bf's deck last night and we were talking to his neighbor. She says she is headed to the bar to watch the hockey game. All of a sudden
I feel angry. I was so resentful that I didn't GET to go to the bar and drink. Beast chimes in: So, really you are NEVER going to go to the bar and order a beer EVER again in your life? Really?
So, point is I had a brief tantrum going on in my head. A "why me.. its not fair..." moment. I know I can't go have ONE or TWO beers and then leave satisfied like she probably can so why do it at all? BUT,
I still thought for a few minutes that she was the luckiest person alive to get to go drink alcohol at a bar.
Wow.. ok I just proof read that and everything I highlighted is beast... not just the one thought as I suspected....
Hmmm... apparently I still have a ways to go with this. Re-reading that I feel a bit silly... I am not going to delete it though bc others may see even more AV then I found. Besides you all understand .
At any rate Soberlicious, after too much Walking Dead... I believe you to be correct on that... Probably best to stay sober for that one. The idea of turning into a "walking dead jess" that eats my friends and family.... not appealing. :rotfxko
Jess