Welcome to SR myrtle
It looks like you're not the only one to drink to 'deal' with grief. I think my drinking spiralled out of control when my dad died 11 years ago. It certainly didn't cause my problems, I was already a heavy drinker before that but I certainly used his death as an excuse to go off the rails a bit. It wasn't a conscious decision but a combination of grief and free time from being away from studying and work gave me the perfect opportunity and I felt like no one could criticise me because of my situation. I reacted in a similar way in other emotional times, like the break up of relationships. I absolutely know that alcohol didn't help me grieve in any way but the situation was irrelevant in a way, I would have been drinking anyway to a lesser or greater extent. But it sure is a big red flag sign if you drink uncontrollably in times of stress. I know it will feel hard to quit because of the loss of your mum but there is never a good time. You'll find lots of support here x