I was literally just pondering this this morning. My alcoholism spiraled when my father passed away and I was left with his business, his estate and his widow (my mother) all the while trying to raise a 3 year old. I drank to cope - or so I thought. I was reflecting on how I thought it was an aid in my coping and after being sober for almost a month and tasting the deliciousness of true sobriety, I have to say, it was absolutely NOT a coping mechanism. I exacerbated my anxiety and agoraphobia to the extent that all I thought I could do was drink. I grieved, but not healthily. I missed out on the pain - rather I numbed out and pushed it off until I no longer could - but I missed out on the joy of those moments as well. There is so much joy I missed out on that I am just beginning to mourn that factor.
Myrtle, you are so welcome here. May you find peace in this journey that we all share in unison...