Originally Posted by
Lulu39 
I try very hard not to bad mouth my kids' father. If they ask "why" he behaves a certain way all I say is: "He's an alcoholic and a drug addict, it's just what they do."
I do the same about the XAH; I have no other reason to explain his behavior other than to say this above.
WTBH - I don't doubt you will struggle with forgiving yourself over the years. I wish I could say I have forgiven myself for my lousy choices and bad judgement, but I know I haven't completely surrendered to that yet. I know I owe it to myself to do so, but its the hardest thing I've had to do yet.
My daughters are 16 and 19. And they are often terrible to each other, so don't think the meanness you saw was because of you and your A. It has a lot to do with simple sibling rivalry, too! I found turning them against me creates solidarity between them! Remember that little trick - girls can be especially vicious to each other.
And in spite of our life's challenges, both girls are thriving. So be careful when you get down over these things to find the gratitude in what does work. My daughters are growing up to be amazing young women, and it is one of my biggest and best accomplishments.