I think for me it was about accepting that my parents did the best they could with what they knew at the time.
I needed to re-learn behaviors, understand what is healthy and NOT feel quilty to act in healthy ways when those around me saw it as un-caring or un-loving or selfish.
After having gone to al-anon for a while, one day my dad fell in the back yard, he was so drunk he coudln't get himself up. My mom went into panic mode yelling for me to out there and help him up and get him inside the house. When I said no, he's a grown man and he can sit there until he is able to get himself up, he's not hurt just drunk......her reaction was "how could you do this to me".....that's when I knew I was on the right road to healthy!!!