Hi and try to hang in there. Its been a lot of years, fortunately, since I've been in your painful condition and certainly Remember When. I'm not saying what will work for you but the following work(s)ed for me and millions with the disease.
We had to get honest with ourselves. Accept that we can not drink alcohol in safety. If we do not pick up the first drink we don't have to get sober AGAIN. Went to many AA meetings even when we didn't want to and became active, not around it. Remembering that it's a one day at a time and remove the "what ifs". Some of us need detox and aftercare. I'm not a religious person so it's a strange that when I prayed to MY higher Power it was the last day I had a drink. I'm grateful that a desire to drink has been removed for over 30 years, and yes I still go to 3-5 meetings a week to keep my thinking straight and not to entertain the insanity preceding a first drink. BE WELL