So done putting myself through the ringer. I just want to shake myself or something. I want to come here and post that I've made it past my delusional thinking in light of all the crap that I've gone through because of my drinking. ...but that would be a lie. I thought I had such a great spiritual experience last weekend that I was sure I could shake this ridiculous thinking that's been swirling in my head...but i didn't. I proceeded to drink again this week. I snuck off to the "bathroom" yesterday at the fair and slammed 3 shots & went back to my family. ..an hour later I went back for another shot because I honestly didn't feel a thing from the first 3. Really it just made me tired and a little cranky. Why did I not feel it? I thought about that all day. I drank again this afternoon, just 2 of those lemonade beer things and I felt flushed and tipsy after just a few swigs off the can...what is that about? I'm not drunk now...just really tired. I do know that if I had bought more than 2 I would have drank them all. I just can't seem to get honest with myself. I should know better. I have been to enough meetings. I know I am an alcoholic but my insides don't want to believe me
