Originally Posted by
dbh 
Hello:
Our father was an alcoholic and although she didn't marry an alcoholic she married a boy/man that needed to be saved. He's a nice enough guy, but has depended on others to take care of him his entire life. Even though he is in his fifties, he has trouble doing the most basic things - paying bills, making appointments with doctors, figuring out schedules, etc.
I'm grieving, I'm filled with guilt, and now I'm obsessing about what will happen to my nephew. He has been reaching out to me since my sister's death. He's asking me to help his dad figure things out.
Granted, my brother-in-law just loss his wife so he's a mess too. I so want to just sweep in and fix things, but the mess that he/they made is huge. I know they are having financial problems. He's a compulsive spender and the house is filled with stuff that he's going to need to get ride of. My sister has been after him for years to take care of this problem.
These paragraphs struck me. Your nephew has asked for help for his dad, his dad has not asked for anything at this time.
One of the things I had to learn as I have struggled with my codependency issues is to only even think about doing something for someone if they asked me themselves. Yes I was challenged with this once asked if it was codependent to do it or not, but this was at least a baseline for me.
How are you doing in all of this DBH? I agree with the previous posts, and appreciate your questions very much but wonder what you are doing for support for yourself right now.