Thanks Laurie. I've never seen the steps shown like that before, I copied and pasted it to a document that I could print later.
And, Laurie, I truly believe that what Amy said had some truth to it for me. I know what the steps are for, I know what they are about, but I have to be honest with myself and think about where I am and how I'm using the steps. I know that when I dutifully go to meetings, lead meetings, call friends from the program, call my sponsor on a regular basis, etc that I gain clarity and I find peace because I come to have hope and peace that wasn't there before. But, when I slack off a bit I hop on my own crazy train and get sucked back in to AH's issues so very easily.
Technically, I'm slowly working through step 6 now, but I feel that probably go through steps 1-3 every single day, surrendering to that Higher Power being the key to those 3 steps. My biggest issue, if I'm honest, is not just fear but not being able to hear/feel the little voice inside. The spirit of my HP talking to me, guiding me, etc. Either I put up walls and shut him out, or I am so unfamiliar with the 'sound/feeling' that I don't know if it's true or believable to me. So, I guess that sums up 'trusting' my HP and that little voice. It's something that has been gone from inside of me for well over 20 years. My dad's beat downs verbally did a number on me, but at the time I didn't know how they'd affect the choices I'd make as an adult and how they'd actually shape my self esteem and self worth. Something to think about.