Seriously, when you don't know it can be different, you just don't know.
but now you know. to say "well I've always been like this" is a cop out, an excuse...same one used by addicts. just can't help myself. but WE CAN help ourselves, we CAN change.
it's time to take the focus OFF him. you stared at and contemplated who this person is you married for a long long time now. you've analyzed HIS issues in depth, up to and including HIS new diagnosis of NPD. and what had ANY of that done for YOU? nada.
our growth comes when we realize THEY are not our problem WE are our problem. not our marriage, not our partner, not our financial status, not even our family of origin. we are no longer children subjected to and at the mercy of others. we are adults, and how we our lives NOW is on US.
we either see that as a chore and too much work, OR we find that empowering and surge ahead.