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Old 06-12-2013, 05:40 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
ShootingStar1
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Sueski, and others here in similar situations, you can't predict the pace of your partner's alcoholic progression, but you can take care of yourselves.

I'd suggest that this is a good time to get your own financial life together, while you're solvent and not in immediate crisis. There's a lot written here about what to do if you have to leave your alcoholic partner, and it is so much easier if you're prepared in advance. If you don't have to leave, so much the better.

Here's what I'd suggest, having run away from my STBXAH last July 4th when his alcoholism and other addictions became outrageous.

Establish your own credit in your own name. Get one or two general purpose credit cards in your name only, use them, pay them and keep a zero balance. If your partner is overspending, take your name off of his credit cards. (I had a funny thing happen - - the only credit card in my name when I left was LL Bean, which, if you live in the NE, is a huge sporting goods/clothing/you name it US store in Maine. Well, all the money I spent on my divorce lawyer, I charged to my LL Bean card, and now I have $500 in free coupons to order clothes from their on-line catalog!!!!!!! What a reward for living through this mess!) Keep getting a higher line of credit as often as you can.

Open your own bank account, and get your own checks, in your name only. Start saving for a rainy day fund. Get enough money put away to fund a start-up on your own - money for 3 months rent and enough to keep you going for a few months if you can. Anything helps.

Make copies of all important papers, with the account numbers, addresses, on-line sites, and get your own access/passwords to the sites. This includes insurance, both life, homeowners and car; retirement accounts; birth certificates; etc. If you have to leave quickly as I did, you won't necessarily be able to get back in to get these things. Keep track of any assets you both have, including retirement funds, IRAs, 401Ks, etc.

From my experience, any credit card account and some bank accounts that are in your partner's name first allow him to remove you as secondary user without your permission. When my STBXAH did this, I was unable to get information on our assets from some of the banks.

If you can, take charge of the family finances so that you know the important bills like the mortgage are being paid on time and aren't affecting your credit. And keep good records - maybe on a program like Quicken - so you keep on top of where the money is going. If you can, have your paycheck direct deposited into your own account.

Forewarned is forearmed. God bless that none of you will need to have taken these precautions. In that case, you'll just have well managed finances with a top-notch credit rating! Having this done also lets you track how the money is going, and you may notice some red flags earlier than you might have otherwise.

Just my experience, take what you want and leave the rest

ShootingStar1
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