Why do you feel like such a horrible person? Have you done something wrong? Maybe it's time to take a break from the bottle and start by taking the night off. If you have friends that drink a lot it might help to keep your distance for a while too. It's not too easy for most of us to quit, that's why there are so many of us here! I'd also encourage you to check around and read some of the posts here, I think you'll find a lot of help.