lostmunki,
You are in the right place. Absolutely.
I am a recovering alcoholic, and I am
beginning to become aware of the emotional baggage
others have handed to me
(and I took when I did not realize I had a choice) and that I gave to others.
What I didn't expect though, was how hurt I would feel, betrayed..scared..worried..angry. Most of all selfish.
I think this is excellent, that you have named all the feelings and are working through them.
For a long time, I did not know how I felt, because I was told either,
do not feel that way, or that is not true.
Stay true to you.
I would also say, as a recovering alcoholic, this slip early in recovery is a
sign for you
not to get into a relationship with him (or any alcoholic this early in recovery).
Twice he said he hoped I could find it in myself to forgive him, and horribly, all that echoed in my head was "why are you asking for my forgiveness? Does it really matter to you? Clearly my feelings didn't matter when you were out buying beer." I wanted to walk away instantly. I wanted to be mad and lash out. And frightened, I started questioning whether or not this was really the life I wanted to get myself into. (There are other issues, but this is the one I feel most unprepared for.)
This, I think is most important, because as long as his addiction is in charge, you will
always be lower on the list of important things.
When addiction is is charge, nothing else matters. It is ALL about the high, the buzz, the numbness (for me), checking out of life.
Life on life's terms is what I am striving for, and that
does not include alcohol.
I understand that you have a history, but a short history of dating.
You found out a very very important deal-breaker here.
He is in early recovery, and after 2 months of sobriety (a
miracle for a drunk!),
he
chose to get drunk.
You do not want to be the girlfriend of an alcoholic, it sucks.
Yes, we are a group of great people here at Sober Recovery
,
but we learned the hard way.
Keep reading and posting, you will get the information you need and
maybe some you don't want, but any decision you make should be for you.
For no one else but you.
This is your life.
Beth
