I'm glad you are still here on SR, Zoso. I always look forward to your direct and searching posts.
Sometimes we do things, make choices, become involved with people, change our lives in some dramatic way, and later wonder what in the world were we thinking. It was all a catastrophe, and we should have known better, we think.
But as you reveal in your post, sometimes we don't learn the hard lessons we need for life any other way. You lost a great deal of innocence when this woman violated your psyche. And for you, Zoso, that might have been very necessary for whatever mission lies ahead.
SR is best served by the truth-tellers, and you are one of them. But you first had to be deceived and live in illusion, before you could know, finally, the truth. It's a cold shock, but the truth really does set a person free.