RIGHT ON ANVIL!!!!!
I didn't quit drinking and drugging on June 7, 1981 and on June 8th become a model citizen, roflmao
It took years of hard work and constant vigilance to slowly start to 'rewire' my brain and grow new pathways.
And yes, there are many that truly want recovery, start recovery, and as the road gets narrower and going gets tougher, the 'siren song' of the DOC strikes again.
And EG I don't know if you will ever trust an A again, even if they have been sober and clean a long time. That is your right! Not to be close to someone who could become extremely 'toxic', literally at a moments notice.
There just are no guarantees! None whatsoever. Sure I have 32 years now, however, I do not know what lies ahead, I do not know if there may be some 'horrible' trigger in my future where I would pick up again. True, for me it is highly unlikely, but .................. you never know.
There was a gentleman in the San Fernando Valley where I got sober, that had quite a few years when I arrived, so very sick, at my early AA meetings. He was still alive 8 years ago, and was the passenger in a vehicle that got T-boned. He was in the hospital for almost 2 months, with visits day in and day out from different friends of his in AA and in recovery.
He was not home from the hospital 2 weeks, when using his walker, he walked down to the liquor store in the next block over from where he lived and brought a pretty good supply back with him. Late that afternoon when one of the 'regular' friends stopped for his daily visit, he found him falling down drunk.
His friends stayed with him, kept an eye on him for the next 5 1/2 years but he was never able to regain his sobriety. He died 2 years ago, having had 44 years of sobriety, before going back to his demon for the last almost 6 years of his life.
It seems that although this gentleman had never used drugs all those long years ago when he was still drinking, he had been given enough pain medications those weeks in the hospital to really trigger King Alcohol.
I tell this tale, not only because it is a true story, but to remind me, That There Are No Guarantees when it comes to addiction. None whatsoever. My mom would ask me how could she know if I would continue to stay sober the rest of my life. I had to tell her I don't know, but I would also 'spout' a particular phrase from the AA Big Book:
"I have a daily reprieve contingent upon my fit spiritual condition." to this day I still believe that, and thus I must continue to 'practice' the tools I was given so long ago on a 'daily' basis.
And using those same 'tools' enhanced somewhat by Alanon, they also keep me in a 'fit spiritual condition'. Unfortunately, with my co dependent issues being a bit different than my A issues, and somehow in the back of my mind, not being as 'life threatening' I do 'slip' a bit now and then but even then, get back up and get back on track so that I can kick those alligators biting at my butt, right in the head.
Hope y'all have a peaceful and serene weekend!
Love and hugs,