Thanks Beth,
Deep down I know that, and we have stepped away to a very large extent. We told SD's mum after she came out of hospital and started drinking again that we wanted no more to do with her. Her friend (he isn't her boyfriend per se, although he would like to be) keeps us 'in the loop' so to speak because SD still wants to know what's happening with her mum, but wants no contact. I understand that, she loves her mum but can't tolerate her, hates the alcoholism and said the other day 'I actually can't stand the woman, what she is, who she is and what she did to me, but I love her at the same time because she's my mum'. I find that incredibly hard to understand, but accept it. I think mum's friend talks to me because he knows I work in the medical profession and have knowledge and insight into things. I tell him how it is and although he does tend to make excuses for her, does accept what I say eventually. But, he won't change because he enjoys babying her. The other day he told me she was too weak to put on her bra properly and had left her breasts out of the bra, so he put them in it for her. Quite honestly I think that's totally bizarre and weird!! Their relationship is weird.
What I find most difficult is that as a parent of two boys, I consider myself SD's parent too, because I love her unconditionally and will do anything I can to protect her. I feel that by absorbing all the weirdness that comes from her mum's life, I can shield her from it to a certain extent. She asks me what's going on, and I tell her the truth - that her mum is still drinking and that her mum's friend is enabling her to do so. I keep the weirder stuff from her - it makes me feel sick and I'm an adult, so how would it make a 14 year old girl feel!!!
I think you're right though, Al-Anon would be good. We have Meetings here every Tuesday and we did go along once with SD because there's no Al-Ateen locally. I actually found it very beneficial just that one time, so I think I will go again.
This disease has many victims doesn't it!