Dear dfwtx, there is a website that has some good articles addressing early recovery (for alcoholic and spouse). It is peggyferguson.marriage-family.com. It is a big website. Look for the articles on the addicted family on the left-hand side of the homepage.
One hears, over and over that the alcoholic is overwhelmed and terrified at dealing with feelings without their main coping mechanism--and that are pretty much unable to focus on anyone or anything else but themselves. Also, that this is very difficult for the partner--sometimes m ore difficult than the original drinking.
My oldest son is in his first year of recovery. Thank god that he is living several states away--so that I can detach, detach, detach from him. His emotions seem to be all over the board.
You have got to be tough--or at least tenacious as H***, or you would not have gotten this far. It is o.k. to lean on those who have gone before you and take advantage of their experience.
You will work you way through this. One day at a time.
sincerely, dandylion