I am such a fan of some of the repliers in here...
Wicked:
I mention this just to have you think about keeping a list.
Not to build resentments or a scorekeeper.
Just to keep your resolve up for when you have to tell him to go.
Just a reminder of what has happened before,
and when the apology starts, you remember "hey, we played this game last month, I am not doing this again.""what have I been forgiving and for how long?"
The apologies for the same behavior got old to me.
When the weeping and crying and "woe is me" stuff started,
it got so bad with me (resentments were HUGE for me) that I actually wanted to slap him and tell him to be quiet.
Just stop saying you mean it, because you do not.
You just repeat that behavior, and then apologize and then next week
I so loved that idea
and Anvilhead:
now THIS guy....he has shown you what he is about...it ain't taking care of his kids, it ain't being a fully present and contributing partner, it's him being a selfish little boy with a huge sense of entitlement. you've had 4 years now to see how he treats life...how he views responsibility and commitment and obligations. that he is "kind" to you is his MO for keeping you as his enabler.
The BEST way to get to the true intent of the addict is to say NO. nope, no more $$, no more carrying your worthless butt, no more accepting an I'm Sorry without seeing any change in behavior. if he was gonna step up and be a man, he would have done so right out the gate.it's not even about OTHER men, other fish in the sea....it's all about YOU deserving better.
your WORTH IT!!
but nothing changes if NOTHING CHANGES....and the changes start IN YOU
we have all been HOSTAGE for awhile to that A or NA...but I ran when he left and ran fast....
have u thought of a 12 step program...like AL ANON...i learned so much about me...