lovejava

My mother committed suicide and I felt this way, too...I knew it would end the way it did back in March, and had known it like I've never been sure of anything before, for some time.

Of course, that somehow didn't make it easier and grieving a suicide is so unique because even if we thought it might happen, and the person had suffered for a long time, we didn't really have concrete evidence or belief that it would like someone who had a terminal illness that we knew was taking their life.

There's also some social stigma, which can prevent us from talking about it as much as some grieving people talk about the death of their loved one. For me, I also have felt like I don't want to bring anyone else down and they always seem to feel very sorry for me, mixed with being obviously horrified by the circumstance, so that I try not to bum anyone out by talking about it too much.

Grieving over a suicide can be slow and the stages of grief can be delayed because of the layers of sadness, guilt, shame, anger constantly peel back to reveal themselves again and again.

I am sorry for your loss and I know how helpless it feels. I had to also learn to stop second-guessing myself as to whether I could have done something if I had listened more closely, if I hadn't been estranged from my mother until just before her death, etc, etc, etc. It's a slow process to heal and I'm still working on it.