Version 2 of the BP was made today. It started spontaneously and finished intentionally.
No Beast activity this morning. I got off work at noon and my daughter called just as I got to my truck to see if I could meet her and my wife for lunch. Of course I agreed. As I was driving there it occurred to me that in the past I would have tried to avoid that lunch. I had a half day off. That was always time to make some excuse - so I could start with beer earlier in the day. Doing that had not even crossed my mind when my daughter asked. At that moment of realization I felt unshackled once again. I felt free. And I loved it. I was beaming in my truck as I drove.
We had lunch in a small place and I had a full view of the bar. My eyes kept drifting up, and the beast would remind me what each familiar bottle tasted like. There was also a beer distributor sitting at the bar, talking (loudly - Dude,
inside voices!) about the different beers he could supply the restaurant with, giving tips on how to describe the flavors to customers, etc. I felt a little uncomfortable, but not too bad. But the Beast was stirring.
On my way home I passed a liquor store, and my beast suggested we pull in. I gripped the steering wheel and kept driving. I passed a second liquor store. Same thing. Then I passed a Total Wine and got flooded with the taste of my formerly favorite brew. I swear I could actually taste it. It made me snap. I don't want that sensation, I want the sensation of freedom I had on my way to lunch. I just yelled it out. "No! I am never drinking again!" I paused for a few seconds, knowing what I started, and just decided to finish it. "And I am never changing my mind."
I repeated it a few more times. Then I gave my beast a lecture on what the word "never" means. Not that IT understands or cares, but it made ME feel better. People in other cars probably thought I was a psycho, all animated and gesticulating in a vehicle by myself. Or maybe they thought I was arguing with someone on a blue tooth phone. I don't really care. It's done.
I feel exhilarated and nervous. I should go run or bike I have so much damn energy right now. Thanks for reading.
