SL if “getting drunk” did not change how we felt; my bet is that we would not have bothered with alcohol at all. What would be the point? It’s the same thing with feeling good and wanting to feel better. It’s again the case of wanting to change how we feel . If not, then why not have a 7-up?
The logical choice after the first bit of drunken trouble would be to give it up. We did not. Nope, we drank for effect, and most of us did this over and over again despite all the consequences.
I think the OP is already quite aware that drinking is bad for him and for those he loves (in fact he has been very forthcoming about this today here on SR) . He also knows the “off switch” is broken. What he is seeking to get a grip on are the causes and conditions of his drinking, and I think rightly so.