The other fellow? I think that he has been giving me mixed signals (or perhaps I read way too much into a few 15 minute chats), so after obsessing for a week, I went back to meditating (didn't bother for the past 3-4 years) and woke up with less anxiety today. Perhaps it is because I am past the stress of putting my cat down, and the reactions that I expected. Anyway, I have a class to participate in for work, and I finally feel like I can focus.
When I offered my experiences with my AH, I think I may have been pretty one sided. I was seeing and experiencing the worst, but it is not constant. One feeling that I can't get away from is that compared to others that I have read about, his behaviors are not as bad as most. Still, I hate having to walk around on eggshells, or scrutinize him in order to determine how drunk he is. We have an unspoken rule in our house that (at least my daughter and I follow it), that it is pointless to discuss anything of importance in the evening. His reasoning gets so convoluted that it is hard to follow his train of thought, he erupts into anger without notice, and he can usually be counted on to forget most of the discussion by morning anyway.
His good points? He has many! While I attended online university classes, he maintained the household chores that he is able (cooking, laundry, grocery shopping), and was very supportive of my efforts. When I started working full time in this field, he continued, but was unhappy about the hours that I needed to put into the job. I am pitching in now that I am off work, and he seems to be a bit happier. Still, I guess I expected bliss the first week off from work. He spends the hours that I am home, being non-communicative, often in front of the computer (maybe due to his mother's illness). Once he starts drinking, (1 or 2 pm), he opens up, but it is not always pretty.
We are taking a 3 day trip this weekend, so I am hoping that getting out of town will equal some quality time together as a family. Going to visit one of the state universities so that our daughter can see it first hand, and visit one of the scholarship foundations that has contacted her. We are also going to spend a day with his brother and splash in the pool. Looking forward to it.