Thank you everyone for the opinions, it certainly helps. I am very firm with my boundries right now, as part of my recovery, it's important for me, as I can be co-dependant, and controlling(learned behavior) out of fear. I am discussing visitation options and negotiating on-going with my husband, however it has been difficult as my feelings or suggestions on the subject are being perceived as being done TO him for no rason, instead of with him. My questions about this new treatment are being met with guarded secrecy and transference, as I am blamed for his not being completely forthright. IE. He is scared that I will use this info to keep him from his kids, and use it against him. which I have never done. He feels like I am trying to paint him as an unfit parent, not taking accountability for the fact that he made the choices, not me. He also takes offence to the fact that one of my boundries is that he cant take the kids now for a weekend, and he no matter how many times I try to explain my fears, lack of trust, and desire to keep my kids safe and healthy(mind and body), all he hears is 'I hate you' and 'You're a bad person' He finished his residential treatment program of 21 day in march......he feels that he has already proven to me that he is better, and that I should be with him, or 'supporting him' or making promises. I feel differently based on the communication difficulties, secrecy and defensiveness I have been met with at every turn. All efforts to discuss these topics in an adult manner have been extreme exercises in patience, clarity of thought and intention on my part. However, there is that part of me that is avoiding certain topics in fear of his reactions. I am working on that with a family therapy group currently and am confident that it is not avoidance, but taking time to process, and not beginning the conversation until I can not react or be triggered. I know that what he chooses to do with the Subs or how they will affect him, is out of my control, and I'm okay with that. I just worry for my son, and how to approach the situation. I suppose, I just watch, wait, and see. Ultimatly it doesn't matter if he understand where I'm coming from, I do.