Thank you everyone, for your kind responses.
Nowinsituation, your post really made me see that I am not the only one with this situation. I am definitely not unique. And I also feel extremely guilty for even considering leaving. I am certainly not ready for that big of a step yet, as I think that I owe it to him (and us) to at least confront the issue. My plan has been to approach this during the summer when I am not working. Well, that time is now, and I have little confidence.
As I mentioned in my first post, I worked many hours a day this year (10-11 per day), and was looking forward to spending time with my H under more pleasant circumstances. What I see happening is that he usually starts drinking about 1 or 2 pm (not that I keep track.
) and starts to demonstrate his impairment by about 5 or 6 pm. Then, it is like a light switch has been tripped, and he is a different person. Often comparable to Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde. During the day, before that switch is has been toggled, he is reasonable, happy, and fun to be around. I want that person back Full Time! But I don't know if it will happen. All I can do is tell him what I see, and then it will be up to him to make the appropriate changes. About 3 months ago, he did quit smoking after 40 years, and I know that that was difficult to do. So, I suppose he might have the wherewithal to attempt this as well. One hiccup; his mother is in her final stages of life (she is 92), and we are waiting for the other shoe to drop. We expect the phone call any day now. After observing his reaction after his father passed away, I am bracing myself. Also, I made an appointment to have our 21 year old cat euthanized this afternoon, and everyone is unhappy today. (Ironic that the cat lasted as long as our marriage?) I think that we are in for a rollercoaster of a week.
There is very little intimacy in our relationship right now (imagine what 40 years of smoking and drinking does to the human body), and we talk about that occasionally. He doesn't make the connection to his drinking at all.
Regarding our daughter, she and I have talked many times about why Daddy acts the way he does, and she seems to be taking it all in stride. When she was in middle school, she was part of a youth program that encourages other students to stay away from drugs and alcohol. She has stated many times that she will never take a drink. I know she sees everything going on around her, but I think she also tries to keep it at a distance. During her 16th BD party (a sleepover with about 4 girl friends), my H did not change his routine at all, and I was petrified that he would ruin the party. The girls ignored him, and our daughter didn't seem to notice. When I asked her about it later, she said that she just didn't pay attention to him at all.
I guess I am here to gather information, to educate myself, and to gather courage. We will see what happens by the time school/work starts again in August. I may be posting a lot!
On a side note, I laughed pretty hard after reading the "chicken" post. My relationship with my friend from work seems a lot like that. I will need to watch myself.
