Am I the only one who still gets blindsided?
I think this is far less and alcoholic issue and much more a narcissist issue but regardless, I am astounded that I still, on occasion get blindsided by xAH's selfishness and find myself upset.
I got a text from him a few days ago asking me my "plans" for our girls on fathers day. Already a weird approach I thought.
I responded and said that that was his day with them and my plans were for them to enjoy being with their dad and he could do whatever he liked with them as he already knew.
Response: (verbatim complete with insane teen text lingo)
"u know i have plans 4 months 4 a end of year party w ____________ (guys from work) on the 15th. u r a selfish b*itch 2 make 16th b my day. if it was reversed i'd tell u to do whatever you wanted all weekend cuz its your day. i have no friends but these guys at work and u cant stand to c me have any fun. you can bet your a$$ when u have plans w friends i will f*ck them up"
This reaction is about my assumption he would WANT to see his kids on fathers day.
I wanted to throw up when I read it. I was pretty upset for a bit then realized he's being who he is and there's no reason I should be shocked.
It's just become more and more blatant in recent months how little he cares for the girls and he has no idea how much he hurts and confuses them which is what breaks my heart.
He's created this situation where the girls LONG for him, look forward to seeing him, even enjoy limited time with him and he leaves them constantly hoping and wanting for more. He could be more involved but chooses not to be. So they are left wanting him much more than he wants them. And it literally breaks my heart to see.
My interpretation of this insane text is this: I want to be drunk all day Sat (it is a day time party on Sat btw) and free to sleep off the hangover on Sun. How dare it be fathers day that Sunday. I don't give two hoots about the girls but will focus on blaming you WTBH for taking away my fun because that's easer than saying honestly that I don't want to see my kids on fathers day.
The reason this is all stirred up in me today is that this morning at breakfast my girls were talking all about the projects they are doing at school for fathers day and how excited they are to give their dad their gifts.
DD7 is doing a poem and these are some of the qualities she's writing about in it that she shared (obviously wishful hopes and not reality)
-my dad is always here for me (not true)
-he rubs my arm at night and tucks me in (not true)
-my dad loves me and my sister (?)
-my dad plays catch with me everyday and makes the best pancakes (not true)
I need to take up kickboxing again and find something to punch because the anger I feel right now toward him for being such a dirtbag of a father and hearing my kids talk about him in ways they WISH he'd be vs how he is makes me feel like punching something... Not healthy I know.