You said you've been reading on the site, and another member already advised you to check the stickies at the top of this forum section. I would also recommend that you attend some Alanon meetings as soon as you can; they are a wonderful source of support and information. You can google them easily. They also offer email, phone and chat meetings if you are unable to attend a face-to-face meeting, but I would recommend the in-person meeting if at all possible.
You and your daughter deserve better than this. Again, you are not alone and you will find your way thru this.
^^^ This.
Stick around. Not happy because of how you got here, but happy to have you here. This is a very active and supportive forum and there are many years of wisdom here. Hang out, read, and ask all the questions you want.
The three C's were very important to me and my process. I also attended therapy for a long while to figure out how to draw lines around what was my responsibility, and what was my AH's responsibility, and the same in my other relationships. I also learned how to let go of things I couldn't control, like how other people feel about me, or about all the possible outcomes I spent a lot of time trying to predict. I stopped arguing with AH and trying to reason with him, and started watching what he did when I didn't meddle.
My conclusion was that I was between a rock and a hard place. I could hold out and see if he could achieve recovery, but I was already at the end of my rope and didn't think I could hold out much longer. My kids were going to be affected negatively either way, so it was a matter of containing the blast. I knew if I started to separate my life from the effects of AH's alcoholism that I could regain control of my finances, my career, and my future, and in turn, my kids' future as well. There are still failures, disappointments, and obstacles in my life, but I'm not dealing with them while trying to balance the deadweight of an alcoholic grown man whose only concern was being left alone with his disease.
I was sick of living that way. I wanted more. I made space in my life for more and I got it.
