Just as it is suggest in AA and NA:
"no major changes the first year."
I also use this with my Alanon sponsees. Just like the RA, the codependent needs that year to work on themselves. And the fact that many have family, spouses, kids, siblings, parents in the mix also, it does take at least a year.
Now, put the 4' truck chain back in the back of the closet and stop 'beating' yourself up and 'second guessing' yourself. It is good that you are asking these questions but do not let them bog you down. You are trudgin right now through the swamp with the alligators nipping at your butt! And doing a pretty damn good job of it.
Yes, you are glancing over at your RAH but then you are putting your eyes back on you. I believe from your posts that both of you are treating each other with respect at this time, and to be honest that is the best you can do at this time.
You are both correct to put the "Love Dare" up for a few months and come back to it later, when both of you are further along in your respective recoveries.
There is nothing wrong with you 'still going out with your friends,' there is something wrong with it if you are flippant and not considerate and respective of your RAH when letting him know of said adventure. After all he has his 'time' with his 'friends/support friends' etc
It is more how we interact and that is what you are now starting to see.
And yes, I try to share on here just how hard that 1st year is based on my own recovery from alcohol and drugs, but am afraid that it is either not taken well, or is sort of 'brushed' over, THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING. It was a New Hell for me, different from the one I had been living in and in many ways MUCH WORSE.
I totally understand why an RA, even one serious about recovery will relapse during that first year, because unless they are totally as desperate as I was that first year and the 'ups and downs' and the 'feelings' will get to them.
LMN your are growing and changing!!!! Even though you may not think so!
Love and hugs,