This post caught my attention today as I'm struggling with some of the same things you are. My husband has been home from an inpatient stay for over two months. While on some fronts, there has been a marked change/improvement in attitude and behaviors, most notably in terms of forming a relationship with our kids, there have been others that I remain frustrated with.
There was no effort around embracing a recovery program after discharge or in following through with the detailed after care plan he created while there. He's not attempting to find a job or look for the right school program, but instead is spending most of his day on the couch watching TV and only sporadically helping with the household chores.
I work full time and do most of the child responsibilities, so being the sole income provider and major child care giver, I'm running out of patience. I have done this the past 6 years, and am becoming less (not more) tolerant of having spent so much time enabling and overcompensating and after having finally accepted what was the reality, I find myself not wanting anything even closely related to that to continue.
I don't care where he's at with his "program", because he doesn't have one. He's just going day to day with no direction, no plan, no effort and grumpiness more often than not to boot. I am the enemy and frankly, I don't care.
Harsh, yes? Am I tired of this and wanting something better for my life? Yes. Do I want a better role model for my kids? Yes.
Why don't I just cut my losses? I don't know yet. One day at a time.