sunshinegirl, I understand where you coming from I was in an abusive marriage for 39 yrs. He kept me in fear staying with him and trying to leave him as well. The last abuse I went to the police and that opened up the dirty little secrets for my whole family and friends to know but it was the most freeing experience seeing fear didn't have a hold on me any longer. You know how hostages fall in love with their captor well that scenario isn't that far from our lives. Please don't be a hostage, seek help, there must be a DV center where you live.