Margit-
Your insight is very welcomed by me. What does drinking really add to my life/cookout that I am not willing to "let go of"? Strange that you should ask that bc I am asking myself that as well right now. I loved the first two to three hours of drinking. The "warm-happy-everything-is-all-right" buzz that came prior to the "oh-my-what-the-hell-did-I-do-last-night-two-day-hangover". I accepted when I quit drinking that I am not fortunate enough to have one without the other. I can have the buzz but, I cannot stop there.
So, in concluding that I decided that it would be sheer insanity to continue chasing the "buss without consenquences idea". It was not going to happen no matter how hard I tried.
Everything is just strange now that I dont drink. My mom and brother are not nearly as close to me. In fact all my relationships have now changed. I guess what I am asking myself is not is the drinking worth it but, is not drinking worth losing the people I felt closest too. Now I am a "lone wolf"...
You know since I was 19 I have been in the "drinker" category. Its like you said about the "pictures in my head". In my pictures some I am a non-drinker but, others I am still a drinker. I guess what I question is do I really want to give up the lifestyle that I had for so long. Oh hell I don't know. Lots of thinking to do.
Thanks again....Jess