It's not about lifelong condemnation without hope of change. It's about the same thing all of us have struggled with. It doesn't matter if someone is NPD, alcoholic, drug addict, or just plain jerk. That is who they are *right now.*
The choice we have is whether to live in the here and now, or in the possible, maybe, potential future. There is always the possibility of change. However, we have to choose if we want to live our lives waiting and hoping for that change, or make our decisions based on what is, rather than what could be. If you only love someone for who they could be, not who they are right now, is that really love?
L