(((((SoloJohn)))))
What your wife had done is what we sober for a while call a 'GEOGRAPHIC' it is the alcohol thinking that if I just go elsewhere everything will be great, NOT because we take ourselves with us.
Enough about her, how about you. I am sure by now you have read on here about the 3 C's
You didn't CAUSE this.
You can't CONTROL this.
You can't CURE this.
I post them again as a reminder, YOU DID NOT CAUSE THIS.
Oh sure, you probably enabled, hell we all did! Why? Because we didn't know any better. We thought we were doing our best to 'help' our loved one.
You are 'doing' for you now and that is a GOOD thing. Not only am I an alcoholic (in recovery now for a very long time, lol) But .............................. I married 2 alcoholics. I divorced the first one, before I went totally down the 'rabbit hole' and I married my second one in recovery, he too was sober, but chose to switch his Drug Of Choice (DOC) to gambling, which is how I got into Alanon, thanks to my AA sponsors instructions, lol
Have I kept in sporadic touch with them over these many years? Yes I have. My first husband died in December of '99 not 100' feet from where his older brother had died in downtown Los Angeles. My 2nd husband died in January of '07 in AZ from Valley Fever. He could not fight it from his poor existence of barely eating, living in rat trip flea infested room, and spending all his money on gambling.
I have watched many alcoholics find and maintain sobriety and I have seen many find sobriety and go back out there. However, over these many years I have seen a lot more codependents try and find recovery and very very few go back to their codependent ways. That tells me that your chances are really pretty damn good!!!
Hang with us, know that when you are feeling down, if you picture wherever you are absolutely FILLED with all of us here at SR. You will find that it does help!
Also as you are finding out, feel free to come here to rant, rave, cry, scream, and yes even laugh, we do understand, and care.
Love and hugs,