Originally Posted by
Crazed 
Thanks all. So here is a bit more information- it stings a bit less since today I found out that NOBODY got invited to graduation. Not aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, great parents- basically folks that were instrumental in the kids lives. So I don't feel like I was singly excluded.
I will make an excuse for mom- she is in rehab. I don't think she had anything to do with the planning. I'm not even sure if she was able get out and go for today. Her release date isn't until Monday. I DO blame biological dad, and stepmom Cruella DeVille, who stepdaughter is now living with full time. They have tried to isolate the kids from everyone for years, and this is a prime example of how they are.
Maybe think about this a minute. Your Jailbird-ex -- did she screw him over more than she did you? I follow the "Make an excuse" routine, but you may have the more common experience with them. More than any of the rest of the enablers on Did Not Invite list.
Regarding the gift, I have the same opinion about announcements. They scream "we don't want to provide a party, a keg and a cake, but please send money." BUT.... I did already gave her her gift a few months ago- I bought her a plane ticket to see her best friend that moved away. So the fact that I got the card felt good, but made me feel really so sad as well. It was such a flush of intense mixed emotions.
Sure. Write the check, send with it with an All The Best Card, and think good thoughts. At least she is not going to go get a tattoo with it (still laughing about that one). Looking back I have watched Mrs. Hammer pull this sort of crap on her dad for years. A couple of months ago, I went apologized for my unwitting part in it over the last 10+ years.
Really distressed him and his wife, early on, too. They wound up in a church program over it, (sort of like Alanon) and are really doing pretty well, now. Their peace and acceptance is about like mine -- Mrs. Hammer has a mental illness and is an addict/alcoholic, etc. Another name for that condition is User.
and Users . . . use other people. What they do. Otherwise the word would not have meaning.
On a brighter note, with our User somewhat sidelined, I now try to make a point that her dad gets to see our kids.
Honestly, not knowing if mom would be there, NC in effect, a stepmom that I despise, and a biological dad that I have no respect for, I am unsure if I would have gone anyway. I truly feel like an outsider. It is her celebration day, and I would rather stay away to not add any discomfort for her.
The most painful part is realizing this is a major event in her life (one of many more to come) that I am no longer a part of. And I blame EXAGs alcoholism, as well as my contributions to the failure of the relationship. It's just so sad.
Only person who really screwed everyone over was/is Jailbird. Whenever you get ready to take the Goddess down from the pedestal and the picture down from the wall, you will likely figure it out. Best to you on the path ahead.