I discussed my eating habits with my therapist this morning, and she said they were abnormal and amounted to 'sophisticated self-harm!' It's how I've always eaten and although I've known it wasn't good for me, to have it put in that way sort of brought it home. Anyway... I'm not going to go back to the Big Plan for that. I'm going to eat healthily in conjunction with my new exercise routine and put it in the 'taking care of myself' project I'm working on. To give it too much emphasis on its own will be counter productive for me and I will find myself calorie counting or becoming obsessive about it, which is NOT GOOD. I don't have a weight issue, it really is ok for me to have chocolate when I fancy it, and I have to let this one go a bit.
But the smoking, that's the one. I didn't keep track of the day I quit but it must be nearly 3 weeks or so ago? That's fantastic for me...and what's better is that I have whole chunks of time during the day now when I don't think of it at all. I much prefer being a non-smoker. I am saving money, I smell better, I look better (apparently, both my H and my therapist have commented on that), I have more time to do things when I'm not constantly disappearing into the garden to smoke, I've got more energy and I'm less anxious (and to think I thought smoking actually helped with anxiety!!)
The real me , the authentic me.. Now this has caused me some difficulties to write, and I'm still not absolutely sure why. So I'm just going to type it and press the submit button....
The real Jen...she BELIEVES IN HERSELF. She is strong enough to face whatever comes her way with compassion and empathy for others. She has self-worth, she recognises her achievements and is proud of them. She is kind to herself, she acknowledges that's its more than ok to put herself first sometimes. She is able to take both criticism and praise when it's due and is sure enough in herself that neither will produce any emotional over-reaction. She is a good friend, a good wife and a good Mother. She is a fair and competent leader of others in the workplace. She is an advocate for the children she works with and is strong enough to champion their rights when all others appear to disagree. She takes chances, even when there is a risk of failing. She is fit and healthy, she looks after herself physically and mentally. She is able to listen and respond to others with love and compassion yet not be swayed in what she believes to be true.
She doesn't drink. She doesn't smoke. She is worth more than that....
Ok, deep breaths...submit!