I'm so very sorry you're feeling so sad tonight, ShootingStar.
As you said, you are following God's path for you, even though I know it is so difficult for you right now. If you are meant to end up back with him, you will. But I don't believe it is meant to be at this point in time. I think you are both meant to learn different lessons right now, on your own. Sending great big (((((HUGS))))) your way tonight.